The Emancipation of Jun-jun

Rainy days are here again…and I’m not really sure if I’d be happy about it.

There’s this weird thing that’s been happening to me for the past few months now, or probably it’s always been that way - I could have  just figured it out lately. If the weather’s about to change and it’s gonna rain…most probably I was about to go out at that time. I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or just a joke, but there have been so many instances where I’m all dress up and ready to go…and the moment I step out of the house…there you go… rain drops suddenly starts to drizzle…

A friend have been a witness to this certain phenomenom that I’m going through…An impending rain would usually be on a stand still not until I move out of a certain place (let’s say at home or someone else’s home). It’s like the rain wouldn’t appear not until I’m right outside and ready to be poured in.

Coincidence? I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not.

What I do know is that I  got myself an umbrella now just to make sure that the rain won’t keep falling on my head (and body) again.

To quit or not to quit… that is the question…

Since November or December, I’ve been contemplating about resigning on my job and it seems the thought of it never seem to fade away. In my thoughts and in my heart it is still something that I seriously consider and as our regularization come nearer, I still see leaving our office premises as an option.

Though I’m quit happy with my job now more than ever and have adjusted to its lapses and its excruciating tasks, I still don’t see myself lasting there until June this year.

In a world where achievement means accumulating more material stuff and money in your coffers, I should love to be called an achiever more than ever. I no longer see myself working for love or working just for the heck of it. I sure love the company and sure love the company of my team mates. But I sure love to help my family as well. I’m going practical now and I guess I don’t have the luxury of time anymore. I’m already 26 years old and most of my contemporaries are already working abroad, some are taking up nursing or have worked in Manila or Cebu- to achieve what they’ve all wanted for a long time or at least be able to help their families and relatives be known as an achiever in their own way.

Barely a month and a half to go, still contemplating, thinking and weighing things out….I sure hope I’d be able to get the right decision when the time comes…

I just saw an accident last night while on a taxi going to a b-day party at a beach resort in the city.

There were 4 of them who rode the motorcycle and 3 of them are women. It actually happened in one of the darkest streets in the city along Matina Aplaya. The driver apparently switch sides and was not able to anticipate the other vehicles while doing the u-turn. Next thing we saw was 3 women, who were thrown in the different parts of the streets, 2 of whom had suffered wounds and had break some bones. The other one was unconscious at that time, causing the outbreak of cries from the other two women. I think it was there mother, because we could hear the girl crying out loud for her "mama".The street was filled with people, who were really anxious about the incident. I could hear others asking about calling the police or 911 rescue team.

I don’t know but I’ve been having problems stiring up an emotion when faced with this type of scenarios. I don’t know why but it seems that I don’t know how to feel anymore. Its been years since I’ve had this in me. The numbness, the apathy, the indifference. I guess the pain and the anguish, that I tried to hide and I tried to kill within had transformed into a habit of not feeling any longer. When I’ve seen the comotions last night, it’s as if nothing happened. It’s as if, it was but natural. I didn’t even bother to help…the only thing that I do was tell those with me in the taxi to text 911.

I feel so evil. Sometimes, I just don’t know what to do with this habit that I have been doing over time. I just hope that I would be able to get back to the real me…the person who cares…the person who emphatize…the person whom I was. 

I’m a college drop-out and I still have around a year and half to go before I’d get my diploma and bachelor of arts degree done. But I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to get this thing accomplished anytime soon. Well if you still don’t know, I now work in a company that has an atmosphere of a school.

Yep! It feels like I’m back to school at this point, with the big number of colleagues that I have to deal with everyday. It’s like a University where we have to study computer stuff and all the troubleshooting steps that would help all our supported devices work. We even have our team captains, who are just like our college instructors– coaching us and teaching us the right things to do, for us to be an efficient and capable agent.

I sure hate school because, we are graded and ranked accordingly to some formulas, that would supposedly tell us about our diligence, and our mental wits and abilities.

In the company that I worked with, every single thing that we do is graded as well. And we have monthly evaluations on how we fare and how we delivered during the period.

I sure am confuse about how am I gonna deal with this present situation that I’m into. One of the very reasons why I stopped schooling is the fact that it is so grade-centered and it doesn’t see an individual as a unique being, with different level of learning reception and comprehension. I hate the fact that you have to make an extra effort to put in all the unneccessary materials taught to you on your tiny brain, just to make sure that you get a perfect score on your exams. I hate the fact that teachers miss the chance of evaluating the improvements made by a certain person and how far he or she has gone over the course of time. And I just hate competition and I don’t see a thrill in it!

Well I’m stuck here, and I have no choice but to go with the flow. I’m not really happy where I am right now, but I sure will try to enjoy every single minute of this stuff that I’m into. And like in school before, I’ll try to be at least a middle-performer in this field. I may not be on top, but I sure will never be at the bottom.

Year 2006 has been a rollercoaster ride for me. There have been so many ups and downs along the way and I have experienced things that I never thought I would have to bear and that I would have to accept as part of life –that I should just let in and learn from.

There have been lots of negativity that surrounded me that year as well, but there are so many things that I need to be thankful for and there are experiences worth taking. In fact these experiences are so special to me that every single idle time I”ve had, I’d go think about it and just reminisce every single moment of it.

The 3-week stay I’ve had in CDO (where I had to undergo PIP - or the Progressive Immersion Program of our company) is by far the most exciting thing that happened to me last year. If ever I had my own year-end countdown featured in one TV show on the tube, I’d placed that one on the number one position. For the first time in years, I’m on my own again, battling the hustles and bustles of a stranger city, which I have learned to love. It was indeed hard to cope up with our workloads and our schedules then, but the beautiful people that I’m with there made all that much easier.

My housemates there were terrific. I just love reminiscing our cooking sessions, eating pancit canton and sardines during dinner together, the never-ending whines and complains about our company and our TC’s everyday, going out for the first time in the city proper (not knowing where exactly to go),  our so-called rift/disputes (whatever that may be) with our other housemates, etc.etc.

That was an experience I’ll never ever forget in my life.

And how can I forget our trip to Iligan and Linamon, where we braved the falls of Tigano and Maria Cristina. It was a saturday and sunday then and I have never had a fun-filled, exhilirating and grand weekend like that for years. I’ve been to the most beautiful place in Northern Mindanao then with the most beautiful people that I could think of (in our company of course).

Every night when its time to sleep, I always sneak into the pictures we’ve had in those amazing places and just think about the wonderful memories. Its an effective stress remover just like my favorite music.

Back to reality. Back to Davao. Its all work and nothing more. I can’t even talk long enough to my ex-housemates now. sigh! It a fact of life, I just hope I’d be able to get through that same feeling again and be reunited with them in that same place or in another place perhaps.

As for now, I’d have to be contented with just pictures and with daydreams.

It been  a month now since I signed that 3 scrap of papers called "contract" which made me an official employee of a call center company here in Davao.

And it’s been a month of sleepless nights, oh-so-tired body and wandering mind and soul.

I just dread the day I signed in to become a tech support agent! I was even sent to CDO to further enhance my so-called wit in call handling and my limited technical know-how.

I hate telephones and cellphones, and I just don’t like doing "telebabad" or texting. Ironically I’m in a business now where I have to take in calls for like 8.5 hours a day and solve everyone’s problem that I too have not properly understood.

There are just so many things to learn and I’m the type of person who resist to learn. Remember I’m a college drop-out, because I don’t really like school, but now I’m forced to study and each day the problems I encounter on call are getting more and more complicated.

So I wanted change. I wanna change. That’s what I thought a month ago when I signed in that crap. Now I’m not really sure if I made the right decision.

Anyone who has a kind heart and is willing to lend me P11,000? I wanna resign and I need that amount of money to get me out of this pit hole that I created for myself. I’m just getting depress day by day and I don’t know if I can handle this anymore!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Maybe I just need some sleep. Merry Christmas Everyone. Enjoy the holidays!)

It’s my 7th day here in CDO, where I’m in a Training Immersion for a Call Center. I really wanted to be here so when the company announced that our batch won’t be able to join the training immersion I was really fuming mad.

I was really depress then because I really wanted to join some of my friends who have already passed the training in Davao and have already joined the trip here.

Well the company have made up their minds and have included Batch 2 among those who will experience — a first-hand call center environment here in this city. However, the catch then was that only the Top 15 will make it! I got irritated with the decision still because I believe it is unfair for Batch 2 to be just cut to 15 while Batch 1 had nothing to do but passed the first and second phase of the training and join the immersion.

Okay so I made it to the Top 15, but I’m not really sure if I made the right decision in going here in the training. It was really really hard and the pressure is just so tough! I’m not really used to all this bullying and pushing and I’m used to be just so complacent and relaxed.

Now I have to wake up early, deal with irate callers, give the right solution to their problems and hope too that our team captains won’t be irritated with our stupidity and cluelessness.

I’m but just a clueless lad. I don’t really know why I’m here and what I’ve gotten my self into. Man! it’s already 8:30 PM and I have to sleep early and make it to the 2 AM graveyard shift.

I’m just so stressed out. But I’ll sure fight and try to dust off my trashes.

I know I’ll make it through. I hope.

Here’s the latest news: I’m now officially known as "Mr. Mean" and around 20 people want to strangle me or crush my bones to death.

Well the tag has something to do with my blabbing big mouth and my incessant penchant to diss and criticize very single individual around me. Some were shocked at first , some were a bit irritated but most had laughed it off, or so I thought.

The "Mr. Mean" image is more of a project I’ve conceived to create a connection to some new people that I just got acquainted with. It’s more of an unconventional way of saying "hi" to new friends and getting them all inside my world. The problem though, is that instead of friends, I have created tons of enemies in the long run.

I guess I just didn’t know when to stop or they are just too shallow to take me too seriously. Perhaps, they have a problem differentiating what’s a joke and what’s not. In this case, I played the devil’s advocate or the airhead to liven things up and tried toning down perhaps one of the most excruciating situation that we are into at this point.

The truth is the "Mr. Mean" imagery is not entirely me, although, I can be mean and really tactless, any other time. But being rude and nasty is just a little fraction of my whole being. In fact project mean is rooted from positive motivations: to create friends, boost my self confidence and kidd around. And no, not to offend and hurt other people’s feelings.

Well to those I’ve offended, my sincerest apologies!

To those who were offended at first, but have learned to accept that it was nothing but a joke—thank you and welcome, your finally with me!

To those who have been with me since day one, laughing out in every single dissing that has come out of my mouth—your all brilliant!

And to those who used to be with me and have eventually hated me for all this stuff—-I guess you need to check your brain cells, configure it, reinstall it, or ping it for all it’s worth. Dude! Reality bites! There are just other people who are meaner that some of us, and we just have to accept that!

Moral of the story: "Don’t be mean to people who are mean to other people"—for they’ll protest, believing that they’re the only ones authorized to do that!

Allow me to express my gratitude to all the people who have been a vital part of my life for the past 26 years… (This is how my speech would look like, if ever I receive my first ever Oscar or Grammy award)

1. To my papa and mama - words will never be enough to compensate all the love and support you’ve given us. We are truly grateful to have parents like you. We love you so much!

2. To my siblings (my bros esp. to my sistas Leda and Lerma)

3. Sy Family - (To the late Papa Alex, Mama Lita, Doreen, Daisy, Ate Neneng) - I’ve always considered you as my second family. TNX for everything.

4.To our relatives (Duhaylungsod & Sevillo Families) - most specially to my beautiful cousins and to Ate Sheryl.

5.My cute nieces and nephews - Tito is a little irritated with you sometimes coz ur so kulit, but he loves you still!

6.To our neighbors at Villamor - I’ve had fond memories of my childhood becoz of you guys! Shout outs to Ate Ging ging and Kuya Allan (thanks for treating me like your own lil bro!)

7. To my yayee’s over the years - obviously I could no longer remember you, but I salute you all! for babysitting is indeed a tough job esp. if your taking care of a baby named Ely.

8. K91/Smooth FM Peeps - (April, Wanda, Keesha, Ate, Carlo, Pikoy, JC, Mark, Paul, Alex et al) The wackiest, craziest, most sexually pre-occupied people I’ve ever known! Thanks for opening the doors of radio to me (Sir JC tnx!) I’ll never forget u all and Jackie too yaiikkksss!

9. To my Mellow Touch family (Maam Malou, Rex, Maricar, April, Ate, Jane, Neneng, Ryan, Ren2, Sir Jerome, everyone!) I’ve been praying that life would be kinder and easier for everyone after all that we’ve been thru…I know in time things will all be fine…miss you all! TY.

10. To all the fans of Iran Iñigo - Sorry but he doesn’t want to go back on air anymore. Anyways, thanks for listening, for calling, for visiting and for the food!

11. To my music idols! thanks for making me sane!

12. My classmates at JLPES ( Dexter, Alberto, Arnie, Alreich, Philip, Rolando, everyone at Section 1 class) missed our walk along NHA Subd., I still walk along that road every other time,with you in mind, alone!

13. Class & School mates at St. Anne - HS will never be the same without you guys!Whenever I think of HS I think about our trips to the Principals office fighting out what we think is right! We broke the rules several times and it’s all good!

14. Classmates at AdDU - (Kaka, Roze, Caryll, Philip, JJ, Cheryl, Marnisa, Chea, Honey, Karen, Aubrey, Oneth, T2 Class, everyone at CA Batch 2001!) missed you all guys and thanks for the great time!

15. To all my teachers, esp. to Mrs. Ferraren & Mrs. Mallari, ur such an inspiration!

16. My friends at MDFG!

17. BG Family (Weirdos on the loose) TY! As always!

18. Those I met at WYD’95 and NSPC’96 and all the other conferences I’ve been to!

19. Team Massachusetts at L2S (The band of Cracks!) GO GO GO!

20. Co-bloggers and everyone at my friendster! you rock my online world! thanks for being so pathetic and for keeping up with all my dramas!

21. To those I’ve shared some whirlwind intimate moments with. I’ve learned a lot. Thanks. Heheheh…

22. To all my dissers, pissers and simply to all those who didn’t believe! You’ve made me stronger yo!

23. X - I’ve learned from the best!, All the best!

24. Best & Closest Friends - Rob, Vito, Daisy, Alma, Jane, April, Ate- ur one of the most beautiful human beings I’ve ever known, thanks for coming into my life!

25. To the love of my life. Thanks and Love Yah!

26. Dear Lord for all the blessings I’ve received for 26 long years, for all the love and blessings, for the gift of life….THANK YOU!